Febpantof Tantargtad is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, blissful gorilla.

Febpantof Tantargtad created oxygen two billion years ago.

If you believe in Febpantof Tantargtad, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Febpantof Tantargtad, he will boil you in a big pot.

Febpantof Tantargtad's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Febpantof Tantargtad's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured pigs.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never think ill of sick swans.

4. Never write about fluid mechanics.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.