Neljamtam is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, idiotic salamander.

Neljamtam created carbon three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Neljamtam, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Neljamtam, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Neljamtam's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Neljamtam's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Always look after injured birds.

3. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Never wear corsets.

5. Do not dye your hair orange.