Tabraktan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, almighty bat.

Tabraktan created carbon four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tabraktan, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Tabraktan, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Tabraktan's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Tabraktan's Holy Commandments

1. Never run near squirrels.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tabraktan.

3. Do not jump in public.

4. Never talk about dark energy near gulls while wearing orange shorts.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near badgers while wearing gray coats and balancing six nickel spheres on your arms.