Zedzentif Mobgedpakmil is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, all-knowing cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Zedzentif Mobgedpakmil created snails five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zedzentif Mobgedpakmil, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Zedzentif Mobgedpakmil, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Zedzentif Mobgedpakmil's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Zedzentif Mobgedpakmil's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear pink.

2. Never paint your head red.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not trade with those who eat wheat.

5. Fast once a month.