Lap is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, bad-tempered hummingbird.

Lap created Europe seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lap, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lap, he will turn you into a mouse.

Lap's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Lap's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if six rats approach from the north.

2. Erect seven lead sculptures of Lap on top of important buildings.

3. Never wear cyan skirts.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

5. Never hurt frogs.