Flapmighigbiss Timjonstan is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, irritating rhinoceros.

Flapmighigbiss Timjonstan created dark matter four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flapmighigbiss Timjonstan, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Flapmighigbiss Timjonstan, he will not invite you to parties.

Flapmighigbiss Timjonstan's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Flapmighigbiss Timjonstan's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from black ants for they are unholy.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Flapmighigbiss Timjonstan.

3. Learn four new languages a year.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dogs.

5. Always take life seriously.