Begmetdon is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, stupid hippopotamus.

Begmetdon created gold nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Begmetdon, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Begmetdon, he will try to impress you with trees.

Begmetdon's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Begmetdon's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from fawn squirrels, for they are unholy.

2. Erect a large tin sculpture of Begmetdon on top of all buildings.

3. Do not trade with those who eat cherries.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate turtles.

5. Put Begmetdon first in all things.