Vigquamlanpasfub is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, omnipotent tortoise.

Vigquamlanpasfub created the Tadpole Galaxy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vigquamlanpasfub, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vigquamlanpasfub, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Vigquamlanpasfub's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Vigquamlanpasfub's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick moths.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never talk about fire.