Ratquartfut is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, tiresome mouse.

Ratquartfut created tapeworms three billion years ago.

If you believe in Ratquartfut, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Ratquartfut, he will turn you into a puffin.

Ratquartfut's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Ratquartfut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair brown.

2. Always obey Ratquartfut's priests.

3. Always wear red.

4. Ratquartfut loves seals, so they must be respected.

5. Always take life seriously.