Hamkikvil Tettitinrul is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, deceitful naga.

Hamkikvil Tettitinrul created snails four billion years ago.

If you believe in Hamkikvil Tettitinrul, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Hamkikvil Tettitinrul, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Hamkikvil Tettitinrul's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Hamkikvil Tettitinrul's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never write about gravity.

4. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

5. Do not wear mauve clothing.