Bumvablin is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, two-faced lizard.

Bumvablin created Europe eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bumvablin, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bumvablin, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Bumvablin's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Bumvablin's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always obey Bumvablin's priests.

3. Never think about the strong nuclear force near bats while wearing magenta jumpers and balancing four zinc spheres on your face.

4. Retreat if six geese approach from the east.

5. Never feed lots of tomatoes to pigs while wearing red rings.