Kaplognillop Quambusweebag Tofvinman is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, fussy jellyfish.

Kaplognillop Quambusweebag Tofvinman created humanity nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Kaplognillop Quambusweebag Tofvinman, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Kaplognillop Quambusweebag Tofvinman, he will destroy your home solar system.

Kaplognillop Quambusweebag Tofvinman's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Kaplognillop Quambusweebag Tofvinman's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

5. Do not take Kaplognillop Quambusweebag Tofvinman's name in vain.