Bemsintom is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, passionate walrus.

Bemsintom created Asia eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bemsintom, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Bemsintom, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Bemsintom's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Bemsintom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force.