Tarptiffeb is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, witless weasel.

Tarptiffeb created humankind seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarptiffeb, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tarptiffeb, she will boil you in a big pot.

Tarptiffeb's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Tarptiffeb's Holy Commandments

1. Tarptiffeb must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a building before entering it.

5. Erect a large iron sculpture of Tarptiffeb on top of all buildings.