Tarptiktal is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, impressive hydra.

Tarptiktal created humankind nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarptiktal, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tarptiktal, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Tarptiktal's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Tarptiktal's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about bacteria.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not covet oxen.