Linmadgum is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, omnipotent cow.

Linmadgum created the cosmos eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Linmadgum, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Linmadgum, it will turn you into a puffin.

Linmadgum's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Linmadgum's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never think about ultrasonics near great tits while wearing cyan stockings and balancing nine copper spheres on your head.

3. Erect a giant indigo sculpture of Linmadgum in the centre of the settlement.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never look at moons.