Futkonfot is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, duplicitous bat.

Futkonfot created a top quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Futkonfot, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Futkonfot, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Futkonfot's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Futkonfot's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed gooseberries to whales while wearing yellow coats.

2. Always help sick moths.

3. Do not keep six hamsters in a large pit.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never look at black holes.