Zimtarkip is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, unjust bee.

Zimtarkip created everything that exists eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zimtarkip, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Zimtarkip, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Zimtarkip's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Zimtarkip's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if four cats approach from the west.

2. Never eat onions.

3. Do not shave your hands.

4. You must love Zimtarkip.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near goats while wearing orange stockings.