Afvoltifben is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, amazing tortoise.

Afvoltifben created a Higgs boson eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Afvoltifben, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Afvoltifben, she will turn you into a frog.

Afvoltifben's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Afvoltifben's Holy Commandments

1. Never leap in holy places.

2. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

3. Never think about thermodynamics.

4. Never feed bread to sharks while wearing violet jumpers.

5. Never feed peanuts to frogs while wearing kilts.