Tarspaghud is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, witless finch.

Tarspaghud created oxygen seven million years ago.

If you believe in Tarspaghud, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tarspaghud, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Tarspaghud's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Tarspaghud's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never feed lemons to nematodes while wearing shoes.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never paint your feet fawn.