Ladmutyampak is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, annoying finch.

Ladmutyampak created carbon seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ladmutyampak, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Ladmutyampak, he will boil you in a big pot.

Ladmutyampak's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Ladmutyampak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not jump in public.

2. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in pink.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate dolphins.

4. Do not dye your hair orange.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.