Zen is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, conceited meerkat.

Zen created energy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zen, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Zen, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Zen's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Zen's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant in the presence of mice.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Always help sick seals.

4. Never go into pink rooms.

5. Do not kill monkeys.