Guntiftan is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, clever bear.

Guntiftan created energy four years ago.

If you believe in Guntiftan, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Guntiftan, it will destroy your favourite star.

Guntiftan's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Guntiftan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear mauve clothing.

2. Seals are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not drink water in white rooms.

4. Never think ill of sick ducks.

5. Always wear black.