Bumyatgat is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, unselfish slug.

Bumyatgat created time and space five million years ago.

If you believe in Bumyatgat, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bumyatgat, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Bumyatgat's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Bumyatgat's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear brown ear rings.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Learn nine new languages a year.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never eat bark.