Tonktomtiftamort Barnvenmiglun Mattailyak is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, flying dingo.

Tonktomtiftamort Barnvenmiglun Mattailyak created parasitic wasps five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tonktomtiftamort Barnvenmiglun Mattailyak, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Tonktomtiftamort Barnvenmiglun Mattailyak, she will make you grow a tail.

Tonktomtiftamort Barnvenmiglun Mattailyak's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Tonktomtiftamort Barnvenmiglun Mattailyak's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at asteroids.

2. Never talk about chromosomes.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never wear fawn shoes.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.