Fatmapgub is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, astonishing duck.

Fatmapgub created everything that exists nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fatmapgub, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fatmapgub, it will turn you into a hamster.

Fatmapgub's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Fatmapgub's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Never paint your neck red.

3. Always make sure there are no gulls in a room before entering it.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Learn nine new languages a year.