Flapzighit is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, amazing clam.

Flapzighit created humanity six million years ago.

If you believe in Flapzighit, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Flapzighit, it will curse you with boils.

Flapzighit's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Flapzighit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

3. You must love Flapzighit.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Flapzighit.

5. Always stare at clouds.