Hoggatmon is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, cheerful crow.

Hoggatmon created a top quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hoggatmon, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hoggatmon, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Hoggatmon's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Hoggatmon's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not take Hoggatmon's name in vain.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never talk about comets.

5. Always look after injured seals.