Hanzignillwancussstiprapton is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, deceitful armadillo.

Hanzignillwancussstiprapton created carbon five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hanzignillwancussstiprapton, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Hanzignillwancussstiprapton, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Hanzignillwancussstiprapton's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Hanzignillwancussstiprapton's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat grapes.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not wear blue clothing.

4. Never look at black holes.

5. Never paint your chest gray.