Tanratzen Lapvagtim is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, two-faced lobster.

Tanratzen Lapvagtim created a top quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tanratzen Lapvagtim, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Tanratzen Lapvagtim, it will not care.

Tanratzen Lapvagtim's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Tanratzen Lapvagtim's Holy Commandments

1. Frogs are not to be trusted.

2. Feed all hungry geese.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never go into purple rooms.

5. Erect a giant gray sculpture of Tanratzen Lapvagtim in the centre of the settlement.