Cimladstig Kikbegfig is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, witty raven.

Cimladstig Kikbegfig created dark energy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Cimladstig Kikbegfig, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Cimladstig Kikbegfig, she will make you grow a tail.

Cimladstig Kikbegfig's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Cimladstig Kikbegfig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about amino acids.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Hide if five snails approach from the north.

4. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never write about photosynthesis.