Quartarfdon is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, witty gerbil.

Quartarfdon created the Black Eye Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Quartarfdon, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Quartarfdon, she will laugh at you.

Quartarfdon's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Quartarfdon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear platinum on your body.

2. Do not shave your head.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Quartarfdon.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.