Flatbonkjap is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, ruthless chicken.

Flatbonkjap created bats nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Flatbonkjap, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Flatbonkjap, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Flatbonkjap's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Flatbonkjap's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fluid mechanics.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never talk about optics near manatees while wearing blue hats.

4. Erect a giant magenta sculpture of Flatbonkjap in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always look after injured capybaras.