Jipdissfat is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, humorless walrus.

Jipdissfat created snails eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jipdissfat, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Jipdissfat, she will turn you into a tree.

Jipdissfat's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Jipdissfat's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from white aardvarks, for they are unholy.

2. You must pray to Jipdissfat seven times a day.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Jipdissfat.

4. You must love Jipdissfat.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.