Gessnarldib Kinvonktom is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, tiresome toad.

Gessnarldib Kinvonktom created the Andromeda Galaxy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gessnarldib Kinvonktom, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Gessnarldib Kinvonktom, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Gessnarldib Kinvonktom's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Gessnarldib Kinvonktom's Holy Commandments

1. Cats are not to be trusted.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Worship no other gods but Gessnarldib Kinvonktom.

4. Never go into cyan rooms.

5. Always help eagles in need.