Bifminbud is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, stupid clam.

Bifminbud created bats two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bifminbud, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bifminbud, he will cry a lot.

Bifminbud's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Bifminbud's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not drink water in white rooms.

3. Aardvarks are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Retreat if four ducks approach from the east.