Yakcepranvolnatgadquim is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, grumpy guinea pig.

Yakcepranvolnatgadquim created matter five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yakcepranvolnatgadquim, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Yakcepranvolnatgadquim, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Yakcepranvolnatgadquim's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Yakcepranvolnatgadquim's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about eukaryotes.

2. Hide if four snakes approach from the north.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Always treat manatees with great respect.