Gofwadnig is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, witless narwhal.

Gofwadnig created everything that exists eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gofwadnig, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Gofwadnig, he will turn you into a rock.

Gofwadnig's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Gofwadnig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your face.

2. Never think about galaxies.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never talk about fire.