Bagfemstafcuss is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, astonishing swan.

Bagfemstafcuss created bats two million years ago.

If you believe in Bagfemstafcuss, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Bagfemstafcuss, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Bagfemstafcuss' most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Bagfemstafcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never talk about planets.

3. Never talk about ultrasonics near pigs while wearing yellow corsets.

4. Do not keep four seals in a large pit.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.