Hivparkcut Ragbegpogfit is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, weak guinea pig.

Hivparkcut Ragbegpogfit created humanity eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hivparkcut Ragbegpogfit, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hivparkcut Ragbegpogfit, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Hivparkcut Ragbegpogfit's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Hivparkcut Ragbegpogfit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never write about ultrasonics.

4. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Hivparkcut Ragbegpogfit on top of all buildings.

5. Respect your elders.