Paswipkangutveenvag is a god.
He takes the form of a blubbery, pitiless
alligator.
Paswipkangutveenvag created vertebrates nine trillion years ago.
If you believe in
Paswipkangutveenvag, he will be shocked.
If you do not believe in
Paswipkangutveenvag, he will turn you into a sparrow.
Paswipkangutveenvag's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.
Paswipkangutveenvag's Holy Commandments1. Paswipkangutveenvag loves tortoises, so they must be respected.
2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.
3. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.
4. You must love Paswipkangutveenvag.
5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.