Paswipkangutveenvag is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, pitiless alligator.

Paswipkangutveenvag created vertebrates nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Paswipkangutveenvag, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Paswipkangutveenvag, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Paswipkangutveenvag's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Paswipkangutveenvag's Holy Commandments

1. Paswipkangutveenvag loves tortoises, so they must be respected.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. You must love Paswipkangutveenvag.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.