Taplatzim Bimgumwod is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, idiotic manatee.

Taplatzim Bimgumwod created the Black Eye Galaxy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Taplatzim Bimgumwod, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Taplatzim Bimgumwod, he will refuse to believe in you.

Taplatzim Bimgumwod's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Taplatzim Bimgumwod's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Erect seven silicon sculptures of Taplatzim Bimgumwod on top of important buildings.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Taplatzim Bimgumwod.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.