Fonvonktarp is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, cheerful snail.

Fonvonktarp created water six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonvonktarp, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Fonvonktarp, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Fonvonktarp's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Fonvonktarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always help ducks.

2. Hide if nine squirrels approach from the east.

3. Always make sure there are no whales in a room before entering it.

4. Do not keep seven mites in a large pit.

5. Do not make images of living things.