Watgepfod is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, compassionate wolf.

Watgepfod created snails two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Watgepfod, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Watgepfod, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Watgepfod's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Watgepfod's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Watgepfod.

3. You must never eat lentils.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Run away if eight sharks approach from the east.