Sabcarfod is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, unjust cow.

Sabcarfod created light nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sabcarfod, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Sabcarfod, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Sabcarfod's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Sabcarfod's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Sabcarfod's priests.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

4. Never talk about gulls.

5. You must pray to Sabcarfod nine times a day.