Mataflak is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, dishonourable skunk.

Mataflak created everything that exists three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mataflak, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Mataflak, he will turn you into a hamster.

Mataflak's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Mataflak's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. You must never eat onions.

3. Never mention monkeys.

4. Never talk about ultrasonics near voles while wearing magenta coats.

5. Do not shave your head.