Vonquaf is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, benevolent hare.

Vonquaf created a top quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Vonquaf, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Vonquaf, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Vonquaf's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Vonquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant silver sculpture of Vonquaf in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not wear mauve clothing.

3. Never mention nematodes.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always pray immersed in water.