Voldamlak is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, ruthless crane.

Voldamlak created the universe six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Voldamlak, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Voldamlak, it will throw large rocks at you.

Voldamlak's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Voldamlak's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat bats with great respect.

2. Never think ill of sick voles.

3. You must pray to Voldamlak four times a day.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never jump near snails.