Dapzakkap is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, witless wolf.

Dapzakkap created an up quark four years ago.

If you believe in Dapzakkap, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Dapzakkap, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Dapzakkap's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Dapzakkap's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Dapzakkap.

2. Never think ill of sick tapirs.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Always make sure there are no whales in a room before entering it.

5. Retreat if eight ants approach from the south.