Hapbogpad Timteenlabstrag is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, passionate jaguar.

Hapbogpad Timteenlabstrag created the planet Saturn four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapbogpad Timteenlabstrag, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Hapbogpad Timteenlabstrag, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Hapbogpad Timteenlabstrag's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Hapbogpad Timteenlabstrag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never leap in holy places.

3. Feed all hungry swans.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not keep three otters in a large pit.